I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
