after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
