Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
