Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
