bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
