can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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