im about as happy as oj after his trial
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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