He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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