Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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