you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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