I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
