I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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