I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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