You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
