You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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