Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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