It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
