Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
