By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
