If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
