Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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