she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
