I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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