I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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