Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
