bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
