Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
