I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
