i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
