im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
nut hugger
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
