We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
