Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
