It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
