Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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