Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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