I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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