Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize