fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
