The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
