you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this boner is exhausting
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's always time for handjobs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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