I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
