Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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