Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
