As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
