Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
