you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
