good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
