i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He shit in the fireplace
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
