The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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