you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
