dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
