I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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