We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize