This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
