You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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