i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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