just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
