he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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