If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
