I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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