His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
