I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
