Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
