as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
