Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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