She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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