Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
