i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
