He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
