She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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