Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
