Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
