What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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